Author: Charlie
Estimated Time To Read: 9 minutes / 1 large coffee
Have you ever found yourself locked in a battle between your willpower and something delicious?
…One moment you’re resolutely resisting tempting food, the next you’re savouring every crumb.
This “failure” to resist temptation is often served with a chaser of negative emotions, and a doggy bag of scolding thoughts:
“Why do I have no willpower?””… I need to stop self sabotaging!”
“I need to have more self discipline next time…”
“Oh well, I’ve blown it now. Might as well eat ice cream all weekend and start again on Monday.”
This is a situation I used to find myself in more than I’d care to remember, and let me tell you, these doomed attempts to resist food temptations were quite the rollercoaster.
As much as I hate rollercoasters, I wanted to revisit two contrasting (but equally tasty) experiences to explore what they reveal about how our perceptions and beliefs about food impact our eating behaviours.
WELCOME TO MY TALE OF TWO COLINS...
A story of defiance and defeat, permission and empowerment, and of course, novelty cakes shaped like caterpillars.
It’s a personal journey, yet one that I believe will resonate with many of you.
So, my kindred cake lover, are you ready to dig into this layered narrative? (sorry, we can’t resist a bad pun).
If so, grab a fork and travel back in time with me…
Once upon a time, I was a pro at "resisting temptation"...
That is to say, I was a pro at trying to resist eating tasty food… until I could resist no longer, and so face-planted into whatever I’d been avoiding with all the social grace of a hungry labrador suddenly slipping its leash at a farmers market.
On this particular day, I was desperately trying to ignore a Colin the Caterpillar cake someone had brought into the staff room.
Try as I might, I couldn't stop thinking about this flippin' cake.
I stole furtive glances every time I passed the doorway, clandestine thoughts darting through my mind of whether anyone would notice if I picked some Smarties off the top.
Not even my colleagues’ “enthralling” tales of Facebook drama (between people I’ve never met, naturally) could keep my attention.
Eventually, after taunting myself with these forbidden fantasies for approximately twenty seven minutes, I found myself alone in the staffroom with my illicit beau.
His glossy chocolate shell reflected the longing in my eyes. I took in the undulating ripples of once-melted, now-crisp chocolate covering the delightful chocolate sponge roll within.
I could almost taste the sugary crunch of the decorations rainbow-spotted down his back. I barely took in the series of mysterious indents where I momentarily questioned whether he was supposed to have legs, I’m sure he was, where’s the box? maybe there’s a picture – when I became transfixed on Colin’s white chocolate face.
His wide-eyed, overjoyed, birthday-party-ready face. He stared at me. I stared back. I stared through his milk chocolate button eyes, past that winning little smile of his, and right into the depths of his delicious buttercream soul.
It was a staring contest I had about as much chance of winning as my dog in his regular glare-downs against next door’s cat.
To an observer, it would be reasonable to assume that I was completely zoned out...
But inside my head, a WAR was raging.
(Yes, I know this is a melodramatic way of describing an “internal debate”, but that’s how it felt, ok?)
*Does some calorie sums, like that’s the basis for all food decisions
*Goes to stand up
(Probably a phrase best kept for your internal monologue)
(Ah, that old chestnut)
At this point I'm pretty sure Colin joined in the conversation:
(I KNEW HE WAS MEANT TO HAVE LEGS!)
Then, Shirley (who, as a leg thief of apparent startling efficiency, I had already deemed most likely to swipe Colin’s face from under my nose) walked through the door...
“There’s some cake there, Charlie. Do you want some?”
She’d barely finished the question before I’d ripped Colin’s trusting little face clean off and was cramming it down like a crocodile would – if Colin’s face was a wildebeest, and crocodiles had hands.
Instantly afterwards, I felt BAD.
I couldn’t be more specific about what “bad” meant yet, which would’ve been helpful, but that’s a topic for another day. I just knew I felt BAD.
And as a result of how I felt about that choice, my food choices in the days and even weeks that followed were affected.
I “fell off the wagon” as you might say.
Skip forward a few weeks and it's my Birthday...
I sat at the table, surrounded by family and friends, and who was presented to me on his little green board – with all of his white chocolate boots present and correct this time – but my dearly beloved Colin!
He was paraded through the living room, with much pomp and circumstance (and a lot of party poppers), his raucous procession coming to an end in front of my seat at the dining table.
He was placed before me, his familiar rainbow-spotted back now additionally adorned with a number of striped candles, and as the last strains of “Happy Birthday To You” dwindled, I reached out, without a moment’s hesitation, and I joyfully and deliberately ate his face all over again.
It was EXACTLY the same type of cake.
It was likely a bigger portion too! It was my birthday, after all.
Did I feel “bad” then?
Nope.
Did I rebound, over eat further, or avoid other healthy habits because I felt like I’d “blown it”?
Nope.
So, why am I sharing this story?
Now, I promise I’m not telling you this story just to make you crave a Colin cake (Or is that just me?).
I’m sharing this because when I’ve told this story to clients they can recall a similar experience:
One occasion where they’ve eaten something, followed by feeling “BAD” and “falling off the wagon”
And another occasion where they’ve eaten the same (or similar) food and had little or no “bad” feelings…
But WHY?
…And why did my decision to eat cake on my birthday feel entirely different than losing my staring match with Colin in the staff room?
Well, for some reason, I had a totally different belief about eating cake on my birthday than I had for the rest of the time…
And so instead of summoning all of my willpower in order to “resist” temptation, I’d given myself permission to eat.
This permission allowed me to make a choice, rather than just keep telling myself not to do something.
December makes resisting temptation with willpower and self control EVEN HARDER.
With the festive season in full swing, I wanted to acknowledge something.
For many people, the entirety of December feels like my exhausting showdown with Colin in the staff room.
And if that sounds in any way relatable, then you might think that giving yourself permission to eat those foods you try to resist will have a negative effect on your eating habits…
Do You Need To Use Willpower To Make Balanced Food Choices?
Maybe you think that if you don’t white knuckle your way through every food choice (whilst praying to the gods of self control) you’ll just eat EVERYTHING in sight…
Plus, you’ll make zero healthy choices and your total food intake will go THROUGH THE ROOF.
(I certainly thought this. After all, I thought I needed more willpower, not flippin’ self compassion)
But that’s NOT the case. Often the opposite is true…
The very thought that you shouldn’t be eating something can lead to further overeating in a “one last blowout” fashion.
After all, you’ll start again on the first Monday in January, right?
Might as well keep eating all the chocolates nobody (including you) likes, for the next two weeks. Make the most of it. (Been there, done that.)
Not to mention “The great school canteen rebellion” effect, aka “psychological reactance” which subscribers to our weekly email digest will know all about…
In plain English, psychological reactance may best be described as a kind of emotional backlash…
It’s that prickly feeling you get when you sense someone is trying to take away your ability to make choices or dictate your actions.
Reactance may be triggered by any perceived threat to, or restriction of, your freedom…
When you feel your right to make your own decisions is being compromised (even by pressures you’ve internalised in the form of those shoulds you may resent), reactance kicks in.
It shows up as an unpleasant motivational arousal…
In simpler terms, it’s a strong urge to push back, to regain control, to reassert your independence.
So, psychological reactance is essentially our instinctual response to defend our personal freedoms.
It’s that gut reaction that says, “Hey, don’t tread on my territory!”.
When we sense a threat to our autonomy, we react…
…Hence the term, react-ance. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Ok, impromptu psychology lesson over…
Changing Your Eating Behaviours Takes Time
Don’t get me wrong, giving yourself true unconditional permission to eat isn’t easy, and this critical step takes time.
There was a good while where I was riddled with self doubt and felt like I was struggling to convince myself I had permission, that’s for sure.
But if you have ever had an experience like my birthday encounter with Colin, you already have the ability to give yourself unconditional permission to eat, and therefore make congruent choices.
Pretty powerful, right?
Even the slowest, incremental progress adds up over time, and trust me, it’ll have a huge impact on your overall well being.
The First Steps Towards Changing Your Eating Behaviours
What if you want to stop avoiding temptation or doing battle with your willpower and start making balanced, congruent food choices, but you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin?
Identifying, understanding and challenging the beliefs we pick up throughout our lives, enables us to decide if they serve us or hold us back.
This is a great first step towards changing how you think, feel, and therefore act around food.
That's why we created the Food Beliefs Matter Worksheet for our 1:1 coaching clients...
And now you can gain access to this invaluable resource too!
Because at Body Matters, we envision a world where everyone (that means you!) has the tools they need to live their longest, happiest and healthiest life
The tools in this worksheet will empower you to identify, examine and challenge your underlying food beliefs, so you can banish unhelpful habits and replace them with healthier ones.
This means you can navigate your lifestyle change journey with enhanced understanding and confidence; whilst making informed, positive dietary choices that align with your goals and values.
If you want to take the first steps towards the freedom of giving yourself unconditional permission to eat (and therefore, the power of choice) download your copy of the Food Beliefs Matter Worksheet below.
It’s free. No catch. No slimy sales funnel emails.
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