Have you ever found yourself finishing a packet of biscuits, wondering how you got there?
It seemed like one small thing in your day sent you into an emotional eating spiral.
Maybe you blamed "lack of willpower" or called yourself "greedy."
Sound familiar?
Whatever you call what I just described - comfort eating, emotional eating, stress eating, or even binging - know this:
It has nothing to do with greed, or willpower… and it’s rarely triggered by just one event.
Understanding this can change how you view emotional eating for good.
And what better way is there to explain what I mean than a story about my dog, Smokey…
What my dog's meltdown taught me about emotional eating
Once upon a time (well, on multiple occasions upon many times, but let’s focus on this one particular instance for now), my dog, Smokey, had a complete public meltdown.
This particular meltdown wasn’t over another dog, or a car driving too close or too fast, or a horse, or a running group, or a fire engine going past all sirens wailing.
Nope. It was over… a leaf.
Yep. A single leaf blowing past sent him into full panic mode. But here’s the thing...
It wasn’t really about the leaf.
Leading up to that moment...
Before we left for walkies, the postman had come.
Smokey barked at him, but quickly settled.
Next, the neighbour's cat wandered into the garden.
Smokey doesn’t like the neighbour’s cat, and he had lots of Thoughts, Feelings and Opinions™ about her presence in the garden, so he gave her a (loud and shouty) piece of his mind.
As we headed down the road, now a little agitated, a car door suddenly slammed loudly.
Smokey was startled, which set him off barking AGAIN…
By this point he was on SUPER HIGH MEGA ALERT and not ready to come down...
So all it took was the leaf blowing past, and suddenly it was All Too Much 🙁
How small stressors add up over time
But it wasn't the leaf itself that caused this meltdown.
I always think that animals can teach us a lot about ourselves. The more we learn about them, the more we learn about ourselves, and vice versa.
Since working with a behaviourist for my dog, I’ve realised that we humans are much more like our dogs than we’d like to think…
See, we all have what my dog behaviourist refers to as a “bucket” - basically a visual metaphor for our capacity for stress, which is explained in more detail shortly.
Smokey wasn't barking and freaking out because he is an inherently "nasty" or "naughty" dog, so delicate in his disposition that a single leaf is enough to send him flying into uncontrollable rage and panic.
It was simply that his stress bucket had been filling all day, and that leaf was the final drop.
What is the bucket? And what does it have to do with emotional eating?
Think of yourself as having an invisible bucket.
Everything you experience, both good and bad, fills this bucket with water. From major stressors like work deadlines (big splashes) to smaller ones like an awkward conversation (a few drops), your bucket collects it all.
And when it overflows? That’s when you might experience a metaphorical meltdown about a leaf - that one little drop that breaks the surface tension and causes a big, sudden overspill.
And if eating is your default coping mechanism, you're likely to turn to food.
But the actual issue isn’t whatever your equivalent of the leaf is. It’s whatever’s been slowly filling your bucket over time.
Why telling yourself you are greedy, lack willpower, or need to be more strict won't help your emotional eating
Going back to Smokey...
Through working with the behaviourist, we’re not only managing what goes into his bucket and helping him find ways to empty it, but we’re also helping him cope better with the things that add to his bucket (like postmen), so they don’t add quite as much water to his bucket when they happen.
This means he can have more experiences without his bucket overflowing (and him behaving in a way that isn’t fun for him or us).
Sure, it would be much easier in the short term to oversimplify things and say stuff like "he's just a naughty dog" or "he needs more self-control."
But that's not helpful—just like saying someone with depression is "miserable" and "just needs to pull themselves together and cheer up" isn’t helpful.
And thankfully, these days, most people understand how unhelpful that thinking is.
Well, guess what? The same logic applies to telling yourself you’re "greedy" or "just need more willpower," if your bucket overflows and you find yourself eating emotionally.
Why the 'I’m Just Greedy' Mentality Keeps You Stuck
It's not that I don't GET the "I'm just greedy" mentality - because for years, I followed it too...
I thought my problem was willpower. I’d have one bad day and suddenly find myself eating everything in sight.
And every time, I’d tell myself the same thing: “Right, that’s it. I need to be more disciplined. I have to be stricter.”
But no matter how strict I tried to be, it kept happening. Because the food wasn’t the real problem.
The problem was a combination of my relationship with food and my relationship with life’s stressors (and, to some extent, my awareness of them).
It took me a long time to realise that emotional eating doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s not one Big Thing that suddenly makes you lose control.
What factors can contribute to an emotional eating event?
For me, an emotional eating episode would come after a slow buildup of stress, frustration, exhaustion, and emotions I hadn’t fully processed, combined with a poor relationship with food.
You know the deal. Those tiny stressors pile up throughout the day or week…
- A frustrating email...
- Feeling behind on work...
- A bad night's sleep...
- Worrying about something you saw online...
- That awkward conversation with someone that you keep replaying in your head...
Combined with beliefs, thoughts and feelings about food, such as...
And then one small thing happens - the “leaf” in your day… and suddenly, you’re halfway through a packet of biscuits, wondering what just happened and telling yourself you need more willpower.
How to approach emotional eating differently
Instead of blaming yourself, try shifting your perspective.
Many people try to "fix" emotional eating by...
Setting stricter food rules
Telling themselves they need more willpower
Ignoring what's actually happening underneath
But here's what actually helps...
Pausing to ask: "What's been filling my bucket today?"
Recognising that eating to cope isn't shameful. You're doing the best you can with the tools you have. Accepting this without judgement doesn't mean you can't develop new tools - quite the opposite!
Exploring what purpose food is serving for you - and whether other coping mechanisms or food beliefs are impacting your choices.
But there's one important caveat.
Before you get stuck into any of this, make sure your diet is actually filling and satisfying.
Is it ACTUALLY emotional eating you're experiencing?
Sometimes, what feels like emotional eating is actually just a completely normal response to an unsatisfying diet.
That's why, when we work with clients, we always check the basics first.
If someone feels out of control around food or is overeating, we don’t just assume it’s about emotions. We make sure that:
They're eating enough
Their meals are satisfying
Rigid restriction isn't playing a role (eg. trying to follow an unrealistic diet because someone told you that’s what you “should” be doing)
So if you haven't checked in on this yet, that's a good place to start.
WRAPPING UP...
Next time you eat emotionally, try this instead.
Instead of jumping straight to guilt or restriction, take a moment to reflect:
What's really been going on for me today?
Am I actually full and satisfied?
Reframing emotional eating in this way made a huge difference for me. What about you? Have you ever had an aha moment about why you were eating?
Share your thoughts in the comments or drop us an email HERE. We’d love to hear.
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